Thursday, January 14, 2010

Garden Blues

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am ready for warmer weather. I miss the green-ness that is South Florida. Don't tell anyone as I am always saying I want cooler weather. Okay....I want "perfect" weather. To me that is 60's and 70's, with a touch of low 80's when I want to work on my tan. I would like to see a nice rain shower to water all the plants a few times a week, with a light breeze and sunshine all the rest of the time. When I walk out of my sweet little cottage, I walk onto and into my sweet little cottage garden. Where do I find this? La La Land???

Right now it looks a little dry and NOT South FL. I will do some fertilizing and watering this weekend to try to green things up a bit. I found a great fish manure (really, it is) organic fertilizer at the local green market that I really like. I think it will help. I have lost a few things in the almost freeze we've been having. It is not over yet. February is usually our coldest month. I will actually have to wait to start some seeds this year. What a shocker for someone who brags that she gardens year 'round.

I will say, however, that my roses look lovely. Plants that have not fared well have been green beans, basil, morning glories (which were SO lovely...started from seed with beautiful purple flowers). I'll have to start over on those. The little violas have never been happier. Ornamental kale and sweet allysum....also very happy. I am enjoying seeing them thrive as they are usually puny. So, definitely some good things still going on in the garden.

So for now, I will plan my attack on rejuvinating my waning gardens in the hopes it will spruce up and spruce my spirits as well.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Rainy day and thoughts a'brewing...

It's been quiet so far. I will take it. No complaints here. I've even been giving thoughts to my own personal goals. This IS truly the year that I am going to get serious about yoga and fitness and correct eating. I keep telling myself that I can look any way I want to look and be anything I want to be. So I REALLY want to continue my GF (gluten-free) lifestyle. It makes me feel so much better. However, even just last night I had some of that incredible brown bread at Cheesecake Factory. Will I ever learn? I had some bread last weekend and basically suffered all week with minor symptoms. I knew exactly where they came from, but still "enjoyed" two very small little wedges. Hopefully it won't hurt too badly. However, if it doesn't hurt, then I think I can stay on that trend, and I really cannot. And I want to see how yoga can really transform my body. I know it can. I have to make time for it. Even though I cannot really afford to take the classes I want, I have dvd's here at home. There are just no excuses. I know the regime of walking, yoga, GF eating and vegetarian all the time and vegan most of the time is going to transform me. It is where I feel the best. I have weight to lose and muscle tone to gain back. Hopefully in the process, I will add stronger bones and more years to my life. It will also help me mentally/emotionally. I am embarrassed by my appearance which keeps me away from certain events and any cameras. It doesn't help that my husband always makes me feel so beautiful. That is not normally a complaint, but he is always so encouraging and showers me with compliments that I get laxidasical. I'm so blessed to have him.

So...yes, I am still in "personal journal" mode with this thing and will keep it up for as long as I need to, I guess. At some point, I will turn this back into my "business" blog that I hope will bring me business and be an outlet for creativity. Today though, I'm cool with just chatting to myself and getting myself in some kind of "mode." Tootles....

Monday, January 4, 2010

Welcome New Year

Six months later and here we year. It is a goal to customize this thing a little more this coming year. Is it a journal when it is available to the whole world? Is there a "whole world" who would even be interested in reading my ramblings? Probably not, so journal it is.

I have personal goals that like to float to the surface from time to time, only to be sunk down again. I want to work on my follow-through....starting projects and not following them through to completion. Some would call this ADD. I call it lazy. I do know how to complete a project and have completed many. I am struggling with boredom or so it seems. I even know how to get out of that rut, but don't seem to. It all boils down to feeling that I have somehow failed to raise a son who can care for himself and his own children. He has two now. Two beautiful blessings. Rather planned for or not, they are here and not of their own volition. I will love them until my dying day and beyond. I think he loves them too, but can't seem to find his way. Is it heredity or my parenting? If anyone who knows me reads these words that I write, they will be quick to correct me that it is not me. I can't shack it though. I have basically turned him loose now. It was about time I guess, but this nagging in me is riddled with guilt....for this moment, anyway. I vasilate between feeling confident in my decision and feeling guilting, thinking I'm not doing my part as a mother, a guide, a sage, if you will. I will sleep on it again tonight. Tomorrow will bring it's own set of feelings, I'm sure. So when I start to think of my own personal goals, I think of my son and how he seems unable to make or follow through on goals of his own and I feel responsible. How does a mother break free? Am I allowed to break free? I had better get my Melody Beatty books out again and remind myself that I am powerless over his actions, but not my own. Those are good words for me.....powerless over anyone's actions except for my own. Okay....I will pray and meditate over that and try to concentrate on my goals again tomorrow.

Good night world, journal, whatever. Praying for a peaceful sleep.