Rainy Days and Mondays

(Reprinted from my wordpress.com blog dated April 26, 2010.)

A bit of melancholy settled in yesterday morning when my 4-month-old granddaughter, Kloe, left with her mother. For reasons inappropriate to divulge, she and her daddy–my son– have been living at my home for the past two months. In that two month period, I have run the gamut of nerves, anxiety, sleeplessness, anger, helplessness, and hopelessness. Not one bit of that matters when I walk into their room each morning to see her face smiling up at me, legs and arms flailing in excitement to see me. I believe yesterday I even heard her first giggle. It’s not really as bad as I make it sound here. It is very good that she spend time with her mother and maternal family. If all goes well, she’ll be back in two weeks for another stay. For all of the turmoil, it seems a modicum of peace and civility has risen to the surface. I will survive. This is just me feeling sorry for myself. I’m allowed to wallow for a few minutes.


After a trip to the feed store for chicken feed, my husband surprised me with a trip to my favorite nursery, Giverny Gardens. I had been saying how much I wanted and needed to get out in my own garden. With a baby in the house, moments were not always my own. So for something positive to do and think about, plants and flowers always do the trick. While this is a beautiful picture below (from their website) it really does not do justice to their nursery. They were chock full of spring flowers. I could have easily spent hundreds of dollars (or more) and still wanted more. They even had foxgloves and delphiniums….just gorgeous. Even though tempted, I did not get either as their lifespan is so short here. I did enjoy seeing them in person though. It may have been the first time I have ever seen a real foxglove. It was beautiful. I do have my eye on a few rambling roses though. I am not sure they are on Fortuniana rootstock though. They probably are not, but I will have to give them a try anyway. It says to prune them every 3 to 4 weeks. They must really take off. At 20 bucks a pop, I’ll have to wait a couple of weeks and hope they are still there. Is five of them too many? I think not.

I did get a few things though and happily went home and puttered. The trip there was absolutely worth it.

My mom used to have several orchids growing in a mahogany tree in our backyard. She said God took care of them because she would just put them in the lower branches of the tree and they were on their own from there. They thrived in the dappled shade, slightly moving air, and humidity. I feel the same way about how my garden looks right now. Flowers are busting out all over. The Confederate jasmine is covered. Roses are in bud. I cannot take credit for it as it has been months since I’ve been out there. However, yesterday, it felt wonderful to do even just a few things. The compost tumbler was emptied and its contents spread about. The plants reap the benefit from the kitchen scraps plus “leftovers” from the rabbits and chickens. I took out my past-its-prime ornamental kale, planted my new plants, and even some seeds. It might be a bit late in the season for that, but I have this mentality that in Florida we have a year-round gardening season and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I may get a surprise or two when those seedlings don’t thrive in our already warm spring. Still, it felt good to do it.

I don’t get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. None of us do. No matter our age, we still keep trying though. I was reminded of that when I gave Kloe her millionth kiss goodbye yesterday morning. The young have the luxury of having a tantrum. My tantrum will be in the energy I put into my projects for the next few weeks. Still, there is a peacefulness to knowing I don’t always get to have my way, that I don’t have control over everything, that I need to let it go. I will change that to let it grow instead and see what happens.

~ ~

Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity. ~Lindley Karstens, noproblemgarden.com

HOARDING

Be aware of the man of one book. ~Anonymous

I have a hoarding issue. I wish it was money that I hoarded, but it is not. It is books, magazines, and recipes. I cannot seem to get enough. My bookshelves are overflowing. I have cookbooks stacked on top of my kitchen cabinets and refrigerator (artfully arranged, of course). I have smaller books stacked on the top of the breadbox. I have my must-read books stacked on my nightstand. Even more books out in the soon-to-be sunroom. Wherever I go, a book must accompany me. Yes, that means often to the bathroom as well. I read in the car while stopped at red lights. I did do a bit of a clean-out of the bookcase about six months ago. My husband was in shock and wanted to know what was wrong with me. I didn’t want to say that I might really be making room for new books. The old books were donated to a used book store.

Don’t get me started on magazines. Magazines seem to be everywhere. I have a collection of old wire baskets that make the best place to stack magazines! Just when I say I’m going to not renew my subscriptions, a great deal will come in the mail. How can I justify buying them every month (I know I will) when I can save over half by subscribing? So the cycle begins again. Currently I get Down East (The Magazine of Maine), Maine Boats, Homes, & Harbors (I have a love affair with the State of Maine…more on that another time), Veranda, Country Living, Martha Stewart Living, Martha Stewart’s Everyday Foods, Traditional Home, Vegetarian Times, Audubon, Country Gardens, and Herb Companion. I did give up my Hobby Farms, Hobby Farms Home, and Mother Earth News (I think). When the original Victoria and House & Garden went out of print, I almost cried. I wish I could explain the feeling I get when they come in the mail. I got three just yesterday and almost jumped up and down. It is sad, really. What comes next with that, though, is once or twice a year I go through the magazines to see which ones I can part with (and there are many that I can’t). I will then sit down and turn them page-by-page to see if there is something I can never part with…be it a picture of the perfect kitchen, bathroom, vignette, garden, recipe. When I find it, I rip it out. It goes in a box that will one day become a binder—by subject—of these perfect things I cannot live without seeing again. What is left of the magazine comes to work to be placed on the back table to be viewed just one more time before hitting the recycle bin.

That brings me to recipes. I will run across a recipe, or two, or three, online and I have to print it. If only I would actually make even a small percentage of the recipes I feel that I just have to have, I would eat like a queen. I eat gluten-free always, and vegetarian primarily, so when I see a recipe that fits that description, I just have to have it. They are currently stacked ready to be bound as well. Couple that with the stack that I have saved from old magazines and I could start my own cookbook!

One may be thinking right now, “Wow, that girl has a problem!” Or, “Her house must be a mess!” I like to think “No,” is the answer to them both. Artfully arranged, remember? But don’t ask my husband either question please. The answer may not be the same.

I brought to work with me today four magazines that I have not cracked yet and a book I am greatly enjoying. Work is really getting in the way of my reading schedule; however, reading does not pay the bills, so work wins in the end. I can’t wait for lunch when I can read again.

She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain. ~Louisa May Alcott

Into what, I ask?

P.S. I just got an email from Amazon that my copy of Slow Love has shipped. “Yippee!!!” she says as she jumps just a little.

(Reprinted from my wordpress.com blog dated April 23, 2010.)

"With the Mother"

What do you think that could mean? What is the “mother of vinegar” anyway? I was introduced to this product as a acid-reducing remedy for my always acid-containing stomach. It is an acquired taste, that is for sure. I will say that it does work though….a shot or so in water a few times a day. I keep mine in the frig as I find it easier to tolerate. (Just a little tidbit for you today…) I have mothers on the brain today. You know which one I mean….Mother Earth. Although my own sweet mother is always very close in my thoughts also (I love you, Mom!).

I am a very non-confrontational person. Note the byline again….”woman in search of peace…” I don’t fight back well. I keep things to myself and let them fester (hence the acid-containing stomach). I’m the “fixer” always trying to keep everyone happy. I am neither overly conservative, nor overly liberal. I even just officially changed my party affiliation to the hopefully gender-neutral “Independent.” I have been a Democrat since becoming a registered voter as a senior in high school. I come from a Kennedy-loving, Catholic, family of Democrats. I will never forget my father’s tyraid on my older brother who so proudly announced that he signed up to be a Republican, thinking that was what “we” were. He had to go back to school and change it the next day.

I digress…

With all that being said, I would be remiss if I did not share my thoughts about today being Earth Day. If you really know me, you know I may have actually hugged a tree or two before. It’s true. There is a big tree in my back yard that has felt my embrace more than once. I have a very large (extremely gigantic) ficus tree in my yard that I have been trying to save from my husband’s axe for about three years now. Its roots travel the neighborhood. I am worried that an errant limb will crash into our roof during a hurricane. During berry season, it sends millions of berries to the ground that soon rot, smell, and attract millions of flies (that is when I am almost ready to get my own axe out). However, right now, it is home to many birds building their nests, squirrels, and lizards; we’ve even had a hawk or two up there. And even though I have my eye on three Zone 10 apple trees (who knew??) from Seeds of Change, I cannot fathom losing her. I love this Earth, you see, and so many of her gifts. In Her honor, I will be kind to Her today (and hopefully She thinks I always am). In my non-confrontational manner, I will not rant and rave and be extreme in trying to convince all to change their light bulbs, turn off their lights, quickly close the refrigerator door (“Are you trying to cool the whole neighborhood?!”), recycle, recycle, recycle, walk more, drive less, bring your own bags to the store, eat locally and organically, plant a Zone 10 apple tree or two… I will only ask that you admire Her beauty today, kiss the ground, hug a tree.

Look at this sweet gift I received when I stepped into my backyard this morning. It’s Her day and I got the gift! Two different morning glories, one pot, all started from seed. (I’m always so amazed when I accomplish that!)

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Earth laughs in flowers.” It’s true.

(Reprinted from my wordpress.com blog dated April 22, 2010.)

It's a Pleasure...

…..to meet you, I mean. Post number one of a new blog on a new site. This is exciting stuff, right? Am I selling stuff? No…at least not right now. Who knows what the future holds. Life so far has taught me that I do not have the answers to so very much. I used to sell stuff, but not so much any more. Will I ever use this site to share some found object I have turned into my own? Quite possibly. Will that object be for sale? Maybe and maybe not. I usually only work on things I love…then I get attached to them. In what feels like another life ago (but really it has only been a few years ago) I did just that. I went in search of some beat up, albiet interesting item…scraped it, sanded it, painted it, sanded it some more, glazed it; then I dragged it to a show, and loe and behold, someone actually wanted to buy it from me. What a bag of mixed emotions that was! My whole purpose was to sell it, but it was my first piece and I was attached to it. Part of me wanted to hug the buyer. The other part wanted to cry. Logic won out in the end and I sold it without hugs or tears. I haven’t had the opportunity to work on such items of late. As my brother and his wife would say, it is not my “season of life” right now. What is my season of life right now? Well, I’m still working on that.
What I will probably use this blog to do is reconnect with blogs I used to enjoy reading, and connect with new blogs I am finding, talk about books I enjoy reading, share seeds/plants I just added to my garden (or wish I had time to add to my garden), and maybe even share a project or two, plus any other drivel that comes to mind at the moment. In the meantime….I have a lot of learning to do to figure out this site and all it’s possibilities.
I will share a blog that I am really enjoying and that is SlowLoveLife by Dominique Browning. http://www.slowlovelife.com/ While I’m waiting for her third book to come out I’m reacquainting myself with her first two books. I love to read a book where I feel the author is having a chat with me. To be able to write like that….wow. Dominque, I don’t know you, but I feel that I do. I hope that does not feel like an intrusion to you. I have wondered about that. When an author spills his/her soul, suddenly everyone pretends to know that person. I’m sure there is still so much he or she still keeps to themselves, right? Anyway, I read her first book and was so thristy for more that I anxiously read the second. Reading them the second time around now feels very comforting, like I’m chatting with an old friend. While I anxiously await Slow Love (the new book) to arrive on my doorstep in mid-May (or so Amazon says), I am thorougly enjoying reading her blog.

I would love to know if you’ve read them (that is presuming you know I exist here).

So for now I leave you with wise words from Laura Ingalls Wilder, “I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.” Hmmmm

(Reprinted from my wordpress.com blog dated April 20, 2010)

Garden Blues

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am ready for warmer weather. I miss the green-ness that is South Florida. Don't tell anyone as I am always saying I want cooler weather. Okay....I want "perfect" weather. To me that is 60's and 70's, with a touch of low 80's when I want to work on my tan. I would like to see a nice rain shower to water all the plants a few times a week, with a light breeze and sunshine all the rest of the time. When I walk out of my sweet little cottage, I walk onto and into my sweet little cottage garden. Where do I find this? La La Land???

Right now it looks a little dry and brown...so NOT South FL. I will do some fertilizing and watering this weekend to try to green things up a bit. I found a great fish manure (really, it is) organic fertilizer at the local green market that I really like. I think it will help. I have lost a few things in the almost freeze we've been having. It is not over yet. February is usually our coldest month. I will actually have to wait to start some seeds this year. What a shocker for someone who brags that she gardens year 'round.

I will say, however, that my roses look lovely. Plants that have not fared well have been green beans, basil, morning glories (which were SO lovely...started from seed with beautiful purple flowers). I'll have to start over on those. The little violas have never been happier. Ornamental kale and sweet allysum....also very happy. I am enjoying seeing them thrive as they are usually puny. So, definitely some good things still going on in the garden.

So for now, I will plan my attack on rejuvinating my waning gardens in the hopes it will spruce up and spruce my spirits as well.

Rainy day and thoughts a'brewing...

It's been quiet so far. I will take it. No complaints here. I've even been giving thoughts to my own personal goals. This IS truly the year that I am going to get serious about yoga and fitness and correct eating. I keep telling myself that I can look any way I want to look and be anything I want to be. So I REALLY want to continue my GF (gluten-free) lifestyle. It makes me feel so much better. However, even just last night I had some of that incredible brown bread at Cheesecake Factory. Will I ever learn? I had some bread last weekend and basically suffered all week with minor symptoms. I knew exactly where they came from, but still "enjoyed" two very small little wedges. Hopefully it won't hurt too badly. However, if it doesn't hurt, then I think I can stay on that trend, and I really cannot. And I want to see how yoga can really transform my body. I know it can. I have to make time for it. Even though I cannot really afford to take the classes I want, I have dvd's here at home. There are just no excuses. I know the regime of walking, yoga, GF eating and vegetarian all the time and vegan most of the time is going to transform me. It is where I feel the best. I have weight to lose and muscle tone to gain back. Hopefully in the process, I will add stronger bones and more years to my life. It will also help me mentally/emotionally. I am embarrassed by my appearance which keeps me away from certain events and any cameras. It doesn't help that my husband always makes me feel so beautiful. That is not normally a complaint, but he is always so encouraging and showers me with compliments that I get laxidasical. I'm so blessed to have him.

So...yes, I am still in "personal journal" mode with this thing and will keep it up for as long as I need to, I guess. At some point, I will turn this back into my "business" blog that I hope will bring me business and be an outlet for creativity. Today though, I'm cool with just chatting to myself and getting myself in some kind of "mode." Tootles....

Welcome New Year

Six months later and here we are....new year. It is a goal to customize this thing a little more this coming year. Is it a journal when it is available to the whole world? Is there a "whole world" who would even be interested in reading my ramblings? Probably not, so journal it is.

I have personal goals that like to float to the surface from time to time, only to be sunk down again. I want to work on my follow-through....starting projects and not following them through to completion. Some would call this ADD. I call it lazy. I do know how to complete a project and have completed many. I am struggling with boredom or so it seems. I even know how to get out of that rut, but don't seem to. It all boils down to feeling that I have somehow failed to raise a son who can care for himself and his own children. He has two now. Two beautiful blessings. Rather planned for or not, they are here and not of their own volition. I will love them until my dying day and beyond. I think he loves them too, but can't seem to find his way. Is it heredity or my parenting? If anyone who knows me reads these words that I write, they will be quick to correct me that it is not me. I can't shack it though. I have basically turned him loose now. It was about time I guess, but this nagging in me is riddled with guilt....for this moment, anyway. I vasilate between feeling confident in my decision and feeling guilting, thinking I'm not doing my part as a mother, a guide, a sage, if you will. I will sleep on it again tonight. Tomorrow will bring it's own set of feelings, I'm sure. So when I start to think of my own personal goals, I think of my son and how he seems unable to make or follow through on goals of his own and I feel responsible. How does a mother break free? Am I allowed to break free? I had better get my Melody Beatty books out again and remind myself that I am powerless over his actions, but not my own. Those are good words for me.....powerless over anyone's actions except for my own. Okay....I will pray and meditate over that and try to concentrate on my goals again tomorrow.

Good night world, journal, whatever. Praying for a peaceful sleep.